Physical Safety:

Are you able to predict triggers and anticipate escalations? 

This does not shift the responsibility to the victim but may help prepare him or her to remain as safe as possible. There may be times that someone may do something to placate the abuser, to somehow diffuse the situation. Please don’t judge yourself or others. This is the difficult reality of domestic violence. Some of the questions we ask are: 

• Do you notice patterns of occurrence of the abuse? 

• Do you notice certain behaviors leading up to an incident or episode? 

• Do you notice certain changes in appearance attitude, facial expression, etc. before an episode? 

By noticing these patterns, you may be able to act sooner and avoid certain places/situations where violence is likely to occur:  

• Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. In general, we suggest you stay out of the kitchen or bathroom. 

• Practice different scenarios of how to get out of the house or to a safe area. 

• If possible, have a small bag that includes your ID, medication, some cash- but in an emergency- leave, don’t hesitate to collect these items. 

• Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible. 

• If possible, have a (fully charged) phone accessible at all times and know what numbers to call for help. 

How can one protect oneself during a physically violent incident?   

• Make yourself a small target. Dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined. 

• If pregnant, curl up and wrap your arms around your belly 

• If you are being physically attacked, don’t run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well. 

Emotional Safety:  

• Find someone with whom you feel comfortable discussing your situation. 

• Use mindfulness exercises 

• Meditation and grounding 

• Take a long hot shower or drink a nice cup of tea. 

• Take 10 minutes to listen to your favorite music or read a fun book- something that will make you smile. 

• Focus on taking care of the basics- eating as healthy as possible. 

• If possible, go for a walk. 

• Remember that abuse is NEVER your fault 

• Remind yourself that just because the abuser says something nasty, that does not mean that it is true. You have immense value. 

Digital Safety:

It is also important to be aware of your digital/technological safety. This is when your abusive partner is using technology to obtain and maintain power and control. Some examples of this are when calls are monitored, caller ID Is checked, your history on the computer may be checked or you aren’t able to text/chat safely.  Some ways people stay safer online is to regularly change passwords, remove “check in” from apps on their cell phone or tablets and clear viewing history on browser. 

We feel that it is important to include this information, particularly, when you may be stuck in the home. Please be aware of this before you call or text/chat a service provider. This will help you make an informed choice about how to best reach out in a way that would help and not escalate danger in the home.