Welcome to ChatSTF
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Welcome to ChatSTF *
How Can I Best Support a Friend I am Concerned About?
Support
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Example for Children
Mikey and Ari were so excited to go to camp for the first time this summer. While Mikey is loving camp, he’s noticed that his friend Ari is having a hard time adjusting. Ari seems homesick and hasn’t made many new friends yet. One night, Mikey wakes up and hears Ari crying quietly in the bathroom. Mikey wants to help but isn’t sure what to say or do.
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Example for Teens
Avi and Kayla have been dating for a few months, and her friends noticed she wasn’t hanging out as much, which seemed normal at first. Over time, Kayla became tired, withdrawn, and stopped engaging in activities she once enjoyed, such as Motzei Shabbos plans and friends’ birthdays. They wanted to help Kayla but didn’t want to push her away.
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Example for Adults
Recently, Sarah’s friends have become increasingly concerned about her. She always seems on edge, often ignores texts for days at a time, and is constantly checking her phone. During a recent shopping trip, Sarah had to text her husband for permission before making every purchase, even minor ones, which made her friends uneasy. They want to help but are worried that addressing their concerns might push Sarah away and cause her to stop confiding in them altogether.
How Can I Set a Healthy Boundary in My Relationship?
Boundary
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Example for Children
Kayla and Eden were thrilled to be seated next to each other in class this year. They’ve been best friends since first grade and couldn’t wait to spend more time together. Eden often runs over to give Kayla hugs throughout the day, which she does out of excitement and affection. While Kayla really like Eden, she feels uncomfortable being hugged without being asked first. Kayla is unsure how to set this boundary with Eden in a way that doesn’t hurt her feelings or make her feel rejected.
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Example for Teens
Eli and Dov became close friends at the start of the school year. Eli has been struggling recently, and Dov has been a great support for him. Over the past few weeks, Eli has started texting Dov late at night, asking to talk, and Dov has stayed up to help, even when it meant being on the phone until 3 AM, leaving him exhausted in the morning and unable to concentrate in school. When Dov tries to ignore the messages, Eli keeps texting or calling until Dov picks up. Dov wants to set a boundary but is nervous because he doesn’t want to hurt Eli’s feelings and wants to be good friend.
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Example for Teens
Shira was excited to spend her year in Israel, especially because she had heard amazing things about Rabbi Rosen’s class. Rabbi Rosen often complimented Shira and took time after class to answer her questions, which made her feel special. One day after class, Rabbi Rosen asked Shira for advice about a personal issue in his life, which made Shira felt uncomfortable. The next day, Rabbi Rosen brought up the topic again when they were in private, and when Shira looked uneasy, he told her she should see his turning to her as a compliment because he values her opinion. Something feels off to Shira, but she isn’t sure what to do about it.
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Example For Adults
Michal appreciates how much her mother-in-law cares about her family and wants to help out. However, her mother-in-law often shows up unannounced and rearranges things in Michal’s house, which leaves Michal feeling frustrated and unsettled. While Michal is grateful for her mother-in-law's love and support, she realizes she needs to set a boundary to feel autonomy over her own home. Michal is nervous about having the conversation because she doesn’t want to hurt her mother-in-law’s feelings or seem ungrateful for her help in general.
How Can I Spot the Signs of Coercive Control?
Coercive Control
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Example for Teens
Avital was passionate about studying psychology and excited to take classes in her favorite subject. However, her boyfriend Sammy convinced her to switch her schedule so they could be in all the same classes together. Sammy didn’t want Avital taking any classes without him and pressured her to change her major to accounting, saying it would be "better for their future together." Now, Avital feels stuck in a major she doesn’t enjoy and wonders if it’s normal for Sammy to have this much say over her choices.
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Example for Adults
Yoni has always enjoyed spending time with his friends from college, but ever since marrying Leah, those gatherings have become rare. Leah insists that Yoni’s friends are “a bad influence” and says she feels hurt when he chooses to spend time with them instead of her. Recently, Leah installed a location-tracking app on Yoni’s phone, saying it’s for safety, but she frequently checks it and questions him about his whereabouts. When Yoni tried to turn off the app, Leah accused him of hiding something and threatened to “check in on him more often.”
