I am Scared Physical Abuse (Part 2)

Oct 27

Shoshannah D. Frydman, LCSW, PhD,

Executive Director, Shalom Task Force, in conjunction with Metropolitan Council on Jewish Poverty

Sara wears long sleeves in the summer; she used to wear elbow length sleeves, which was much cooler and more comfortable on those hot days. But the long sleeves were safer-- no one could see the scars. The abuse started slowly, with less obvious signs such as name calling and possessiveness but now, he holds Sara down, throws books at her and occasionally hits her. He’s careful to leave marks only in areas covered by clothing-- never her face, never where anyone else would see. Nobody knows, and she doesn’t think anyone would believe her.

Abusive relationships are defined by an ongoing pattern of coercive behaviors which one person uses against the other to obtain and maintain power and control. There are many ways this can happen. The most obvious form of domestic violence is physical abuse. Physical abuse is any intentional and unwanted contact which injures or endangers that person. Sometimes abusive behavior does not cause pain or even leave a bruise, but it’s still controlling. The abuser knows that his[1] actions can hurt and are dangerous. Although some abusers don’t always (and may never) use physical violence, the victim is aware that he could injure her and that she is in danger. The knowledge that she is in physical danger, paired with other coercive behaviors, creates a constant feeling of fear. This is the daily experience of victims of domestic violence. They never know when there will be another attack.

Some examples of physical abuse are:

Scratching, punching, biting, strangling or kicking.
Throwing something such as a phone, book, shoe or plate.
Pulling hair.
Pushing or pulling.
Controlling movement
Grabbing clothing.
Using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, pepper spray or another weapon.
Locking a spouse in or out of a room/apartment/house
Withhold access to necessary medical care
Forcing her to use drugs
Starving her
Grabbing her to prevent her from leaving or to forcing her to go somewhere
Driving dangerously fast
Threatening to kill her and commit suicide if she ever tried to leave him

Sometimes the abuse may feel like its minor compared to what you have read about in the newspaper or heard other women talk about. But there are no better or worse forms of physical abuse; a person can be severely injured as a result of just being pushed. All these behaviors are controlling and dangerous.